London Calling| Super Slides & Smashed Tea Cups.

Oh London, as much malice as you can carry, you’re a bloody little charmer.

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We, we being me and my pals, had a fun day full of curiosity.

We stopped for lunch in a crammed Costa because they do cheese and Marmite toasties. They didn’t do cheese and Marmite toasties, they’d run out. Who even discovered the cheese and Marmite toastie? I mean, who had the brain wave to put those two things together and toast it? I can see the connections though. Y’know visualise the train of thought that lead to this strange sandwich. There’s weirder things in the world than cheese and Marmite I guess.

We started with a little bit of light edutainment. A little frolicking towards the end of Exhibition road, and for free may I add. Yes, we hit up the Science Museum. I used to be a boss at science. When I was about 12/13 years old, my school had me down at Ford Dunton building robots as part of a nationwide event, getting girls into engineering. There was only about ten of us from my school too. True story bro. I’ve still got the certificate.

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Anyway, we had a little gander. I got swept up in all the different exhibits. Ones about the body, about transportation and medicine through the years. However, there was no time for such frivolity. No, no, we don’t have time to look at old cars and Edward Jenner’s yeast water. No, we were on a mission to get to the “good bit”.

What do we want? Interactive exhibits! When do we want them? As soon as we find them because the building is so big and no one can stand still long enough to read a map.

We found it eventually. We found the “Wonderlab”. However, this, this is not free – it was £8. Yet, with our handy 2for1 vouchers we picked up at the station and what with one of us being a student, we paid just over £4 each. Honestly, a travel tip when using most overground train lines in the UK is that they often a) offer a discount on train tickets when 3 or more of you are traveling together and b) tend to have 2for1 brochures with a load of vouchers in them that you can just pick up.

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There was stuff. There were people doing stuff. There were people showing you how to do stuff. I was cornered by a person science-ing at me. I’m not very good at sudden social interaction. I wasn’t prepared for such an onslaught of cleverness. I kind of stood there like a potato and went “yeah”, “mhm”, “oh right”, “I dunno.” I did know. I knew most of it anyway, I just couldn’t get the words to travel from my brain to my mouth. Well done Kate, you absolute tit box. Then my pal wandered over and came out with all this delightful small talk and there I was, just derping next to her like the gherkins picked out of a Bigmac and left on the side waiting to be loved by a pickle enthusiast.

Highlights of this exhibit include: the ferrofluid, making paper aeroplanes, the photobooth the experimentation with shutter speed, a show about fire and blowing s**t up and the slides. I enjoyed the slides the most. I also enjoyed face planting the padded wall at the end of the polished, wooden slide. I felt like the most beautiful, little bowling ball. YAY SCIENCE!

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Then it was time for din-dins and a show. Pizza happened and too much dough was consumed to be legal. I was then rolled to The Vaults like Violet Beauregarde to see, or more so participate in, Alice’s Adventures Underground. Yes, that old chestnut (check out my previous trip down the rabbit hole with Les Enfants Terrible >> here <<)

With a team of 10 and a new and improved experience ahead, off we all went, gallivanting around Wonderland as part of the resistance. Re living the old and revelling in the new. A a run in with a jam tart, a tea party with a mad tart and a tonne of smashed up china cups (we had to cover one of my friends eyes when we saw the scene. She has crockery attachment issues.)

Once we had all enjoyed our fun and games it was off into the bar for a very aesthetically in keeping kilner-esque jar full of water, as I was sweating garlic butter from the cheesy bites at dinner, and a boogey to the Labyrinth soundtrack. You heard me. Labyrinth. Yes, they played Magic Dance and my God was it the best song of the night. They were playing absolute bangers and we danced amongst the dodo birds and drag queens. It was all so fabulous and I didn’t want to leave!

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Then I had to go home and didn’t have time for a wee. Luckily, Fenchurch street have free toilets. Free wees are the best wees.

Moral of the story: always read the map, don’t eat too many carbs before adventuring and if the opportunity for a free wee arises, take it.

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