A Formal Letter to my Heart…

Dear Kate’s Heart,

Recently there have been complaints from other departments about your noncompliant and unprofessional behaviour, obvious dismissal of rules and regulations and the misuse of the ’emotion’ filter and it’s attachment to head office.

We understand that important matters are of some urgency but overriding filters specifically put in place to protect us are, in effect, against the current ordinance. Therefore this action can cause sudden upset and the heavy upheaval of the day to day running of our human and put us all at risk. Furthermore, we ask that you proof read any “emergency” signals and actions before sending them through to head office. If you need assistance, please send a memo through, marked as ‘urgent’, to the Judgment department, who will deal with it as quickly as possible.

Maintenance has brought to our attention that you have been tinkering with your emotional casing. We understand that emotional walls can and must be dropped, but please remember to confer with head office before doing so. That way we can ensure the slow, safe and systematic drop of such a key feature within our human, with as little damage done as possible. Due to current lack of effective fortification, we ask that you don your steel jacket at all times to protect you from harm at this moment. We understand that it is cold and restrictive and management are looking into a more comfortable option.

The Anxiety department has been run into overdrive, causing a momentary loss and permanent depletion of the sanity and dignity files, which is detrimental to the smooth running of the operation we have in place. It has also caused mass panic in the self confidence department, as, due to your actions, there has been wrongful enquiries into their work and status. Please remember that all out going statements and actions must be approved by head office before it can be passed onto the appropriate department for use in the ‘real world’.

May we remind you that your filter override switch is for dire emergencies only; I.E. when a fatal decision is being made. Due to your misconduct, the Gut department has had a malfunction in it’s ‘instinct’ software, causing a serious lapse in data collection and analysis in the Judgement sector. This has also caused the irrevocable triggering of the ‘crisis personality’, which, as I am sure you are aware of, is only brought out in the most dire circumstances. It is faulty and prone to short circuiting, causing head office the utmost difficulty with accurately transcribing and documenting the long standing traits it lays forth (we now must update the entirety of the musical back catalogue to include 80s post-punk. A long process that we may find difficult due to it’s clashing nature with our true aesthetic). We try not to unleash the ‘crisis personality’ as it is not a true representation of us as an organisation, our morals, values or genuine interests and abilities.

Yet, I can not go without apologising for head offices mistakes and misconceptions of your work. There is a fine balance between generosity and being taken for granted, which you have detected on several occasions and we have wrongly passed on. Due to our short sightedness, we have had to deal with some emotional turmoil that we could have lessened in size and severity if only we had taken your lead. When we can find a way to resume normal transmission and function, I’ll send a memo to the Tolerance department on the matter of communication and time management in the ‘people-who-dont-care’ sub team. Sometimes you are right, but we are too proud to admit it.

Regardless of our minor setbacks in your field, please bare this as a warning. We would fire you but you are the only person in the world who is able to do your job, so, against our better judgement, you can stay.


Kate’s Brain.


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