Feeling Like A Burden.


Things happen. Life is like the Saw rollercoaster at Thorpe Park. It twists, it turns, it’s fun, it’s terrifying, it takes you up and up until you feel like you can touch the sky, then sends you plummeting towards the ground. It makes your head spin, your stomach turn, it makes you scream and smile… hopefully it doesn’t involve creepy puppets on tricycles though. That would just be weird.

I’m not just here to make terrible analogies about life and the Saw rollercoaster though. Life often throws you a curve ball. You can plan and plan for months in advance. You can try and do risk assessments of your own life, you can have a plan B for every event, but it’s the things you don’t plan for that crop up and therefore you just have to carry on.

I have a phobia of driving. I think I could probably class it as a phobia by now. Completely irrational since I’m actually not a bad driver; I’m safe, sensible and know how to use my indicators. However, people who don’t have a phobia that can induce a anxiety attack don’t understand that saying “oh, you should really get on and do it. Just drive around a bit and you’ll get used to it” will NOT help.

The frustration is unreal – the frustration with myself that is. I want to be able to get in the car, start the engine and drive anywhere and everywhere without being paralysed by fear. I want be completely independent and self sufficient. Every time someone hears about my problem with driving I always get the same nagging response. I don’t know what response I would like, but I would like to not be made to feel like a burden.basic banner_Fotor


5 thoughts on “Feeling Like A Burden.

  1. Emily Ann Lou says:

    I get you completely. I’m like that with lots of things, especially work, and the frustration with myself is unreal. I usually like to just be listening to without any advise. I also always say empathy not sympathy. Thanks for sharing, it’s always nice to know that you aren’t alone with anxiety.

    • Clumsy Koi Carp says:

      I feel the same. Sometimes you need to get it off of your chest. Absolutely, you’ve hit the nail on the head there, it is a case of empathy over sympathy. No, you’re never alone, even though it might feel like it at times!

  2. dxmxnxc says:

    I felt the same way about this time last year where I’d be having panic attacks while doing my driving lessons.

    It wasn’t until my sister passed her test that I knew I could do it, as we have very similar anxieties. So I’ve been learning my instructor is amazingly kind and I’m about to take my test next month.

    Anxiety is a really funny one, because you can running in fear for so long and then something so minor can push it aside and you get a huge courage to run at it face-on. Thank you for writing this I thought I was alone on an anxiety about driving.

    • Clumsy Koi Carp says:

      You’re not alone, even if it feels it because everyone else is happily motoring around! When I first started my lessons, my driving instructor would get so worried because all the colour would drain from my face and I’d look ready to cry! However I persevered and passed my test first time. I still hate driving but I know I can do it and I’m actually a really good and safe driver, but you’re right, something small can push your anxieties aside and you’ll find you can do it! Just remind yourself how great you are and of the things you can accomplish if you set your mind to it. Good luck for test! 😊

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