I’ve taken on too much. I have to admit I feel a bit of a failure because I’m stretching myself too thin. I’m between a rock and a hard place and on four hours sleep a night, neither are particularly easy to deal with. I want to be doing it all, but I can feel my morale and mood sinking lower and lower because I’m doing that thing where I’m investing so much time in everyone and everything else that I’ve forgotten about me.
And I’ve forgetten how to say “no” as well apparently. I just can’t help but say yes when I see someone in need of help, a help that I can give them. I can’t stand to see people I love in distress… well anyone in distress really. All I ever want is to make people smile and feel happier.
Only last week I had such a chill, devil-may-care attitude, something I don’t remember ever possessing before. I was hoping it would stay as it was so beautifully freeing. Life is so much easier when you don’t take things too seriously.
However, it’s the little things that get you down, especially when you are feeling burnt out already. The teeny, tiny things. Wondering if I have upset someone, wishing I hadn’t said something or taken the chance when it was in front of me. Missing someone being around, seeing the people who are your rock crumble, being wracked with worry for those you care for. The keyboard warriors, the off handed, non committal indirects. The overheard comments in the corridors, the judgment from strangers, being an emotional punching bag for people you barely know.
I just need to believe it when someone says things are going to be ok. I can only continue onwards with the hope that things brighten up soon. Things come and go, challenges and remedies present themselves in all guises. One day your doing something, soaring high, the next you’re kicking yourself as you struggle to carry the load you’ve collected. Swings and roundabouts I guess.