Extend kindness always, even when not returned.
That’s been my motto of the month. You can still be sassy, classy and cool whilst remaining kind. I’m not sure why this has been in the forefront of my mind, as it’s always a moral I try and live by, but I just keep remembering it. Maybe I’ve met more trying people this month, one too many people tap dancing on my last nerve.
August has presented a few fine and dandy adventures, but also allowed me to realise a little about myself. I’m in the process of kissing my cowardly lion heart goodbye. It’s not an easy road and it’s not particularly short, but I have been trying.
I’m coming to terms with the idea of being the best version of me, me in all my oddball glory. Not the best version of someone else, not the best version of what someone else wants me to be, not the best version of what I think other people want. Just me… and a few things have helped me to realise this.
I popped my Rocky cherry. I am no-longer a Rocky Horror virgin, I finally went to see it… and see it… and see it. Hands up: I saw it about 3 times in one week.
For anyone who doesn’t know about The Rocky Horror Show – it is the live version of the cult Richard O’Brien film The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s an experience, I can tell you that. Everyone shouts out and joins in, which the cast has become so accustomed to it’s now part of the script. The audience bring props and dresses up as the characters. It’s a lot. However, go hard or go home. So my friends and I turned up in some slightly (and some slightly less) risqué but entirely on point costumes and threw ourselves into what is quickly becoming one of my favourite shows.
Yet, not only have I discovered a show that I adore (I’ve always liked the film, Tim Curry is an absolute legend, and not just for Rocky) but I also dug deep and found some self confidence.
The second time I saw it, I went out of the house wearing a get up I never dreamed of wearing: fishnets, stilettos, a mini skirt and a satin corset with a lace up front AND back. Six months ago I would have run a mile at the prospect. I would never have even entertained the thought of putting these clothes on my back, not because I dislike them but because I am so severely insecure and self conscious. Yet there I was, parading around in it, IN PUBLIC no less. I have to say, I’m kind of proud of myself for having the guts to do so.
I also had my birthday, a post about which I shall link >>here<<. I usually go all out, make a real experience for other people to enjoy, not to my own detriment or lack of enjoyment, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it this year. I just didn’t want to. So, instead of setting up something impressive and elaborate, I had some fun, made a few signs, strung up a few fairy lights and just let go. I let the night take it’s own path. I didn’t try particularly hard, I didn’t go all out to wow, instead I focused on the exact thing I wanted to focus on; just being in the presence of those I love.
I guess the theatrics are like a front for me. People can feel immersed and enjoy their surroundings without having to enjoy my company, but this time I just said… that’s it. We’re just going to enjoy being in each others company. We’re going to have fun without pomp and pageantry.
I had an absolute ball.
Now that’s not saying I wont go OTT again, but this year it just felt right. People can enjoy an event I throw without it needing to be fancy and I can give myself a break and still pull it off. I’ll get crafty and mad again next year I’m sure, but now I’ve proved that I, without the flourishes, can do it, I won’t be so worried about colour matching my hand made streamers to the napkins next time.
That’s my two happiest little victories this month, since they are both leading to one big, happy, me! I’m getting there. Baby steps.