July has been one hot mamma.
I mean, literally sweltering. We’re not prepared for such highs in the UK. We have a fair stock of obnoxiously large umbrellas, knitted blankets and pocket cagoules but parasols are usually trapped underneath everything in the garage, sunglasses lost to the black hole in the bottom of our bag and air conditioning? What air conditioning. We all just fill every room with tiny, electric fans that blow the hot air about a bit.
Last time this kind of heat occurred the roads started melting and the trains wouldn’t go because the tracks were too hot or summat like that.
In light of the above, my first little victory was an early birthday treat to myself. Not one, not two but three, ladies and gentlemen, three pairs of sunglasses. Ooo, ahhhh. I know, the sighs of wonderment (and in all honesty shock at how grossly negligent I have been with my paycheque this month.)
Firstly, let me introduce you to my old pair… the pair I bought from one of those stands you get in seaside towns, whilst I was working on a theatre production in the southeast earlier in the year.
Behold the £2.50, pink, John Lennons.
I have a face like a beach ball, fittingly enough, and glasses don’t suit me, therefore I attempt to avoid them. So when confronted by a strange, seaside style of sunshine I wasn’t used to, I couldn’t see the food I was eating for the glare from the white marble table top. So I nipped across the road and found these. Cheap and cheerful… and literally made my world rose tinted. Thank the lord no-one gave me a colourful pill ultimatum because my colour vision was shot.
So I have gone for the classy, the chunky and the down right perdy… and all with some kinda angles to off set my round face and several chins:
All were from Forever 21 and ranged between £4.50 and £6.00. Bloody bargain if you ask me. Plus, I actually liked them all on me. Whether that is because I am learning to like myself more and have more confidence in my body, whether I got lucky and actually found some glasses that suit me or I’m just getting better at internet shopping, who knows?! But it was one very happy little victory.
My second little victory happened as I toddled about like bag lady, carrying what felt like my entire life on my back. It may have been because I felt like I couldn’t present myself in a particularly alluring fashion whilst carrying about my Frozen themed, bag for life, or it may have been because I had made a sudden connection between my head and my heart.
I managed to actually have a conversation with someone and get my words out without feeling like a knob.
Well I did a little bit, but I got that odd, wrecking ball persona under control for the most part. I don’t quite know what comes over me, maybe it’s just because I’m socially awkward or maybe it’s because I get too anxious, but if I am trying to make a good impression or simply if I value the person on the other end of the conversation but don’t know them all too well… I turn into Miley Cyrus at that VMAs.
I think I’m scared of baring too much or being rejected for being myself that I automatically hold back everything worth sharing and shove this strange, warped, over the top version of me in their face. It’s not even really me at all. It’s quite possibly the opposite, this strange character I think society wants me to be: loud, confident, on trend, well into the generic norms, like Jägerbombs and top 40 hits, with this IDGAF attitude.
However, my happy little victory was not being a knob, or not being one as it were. It was actually recognising that I am enough the way I am. Being me is great. I don’t need to be anyone or anything else. It took courage but I actually talked about the fact that I love Disney and am really into photography that doesn’t include selfies, but actually way more pretty, arty, expressive crap, and they didn’t judge me one bit.
My final little victory happened only this morning as a result of my Mother’s growing technophobia. I was attempting to book tickets for a show as my birthday present from my parents.
I was almost there, secured fabulous seats, if not a little pricey, carefully considered if I wanted to pre-order wine or a souvenir and had gotten down to the payment. I took a deep breath and clicked the confirm & pay button. An action that is effectively like pulling the plug on my bank account. However a little page popped up saying something like ‘our server is crap and it’s struggling, so talk to an actual human in our office whilst we charge you to do so.’
Oh, poo. Poo on a sweaty stick.
There are three things that make me feel physically sick, start shaking, make my head spin and my chest tighten: conflict, driving a car and phone calls. I constantly attempt to get over this feeling of anxiety surrounding them, but I can’t always. Over the years I have learnt to control myself enough to call a friend, no problem, but calling someone I don’t know… nah mate. I couldn’t even phone my doctor when I woke up effectively crying blood (allergies eyy).
Yet, I just picked up my mobile, dialled the number, went through the system and sorted it in minutes. No staring at my phone in horror, no waiting for ten minutes between dialling and pressing call, no getting tongue tied and hanging up on the unsuspecting box office assistant on the other end. All done, dusted, paid and confirmation through.
I was so goddamn proud of myself I even had a biscuit. It really is a little victory but hey ho, that is it’s namesake. All victories, no matter how small, should be valued as important and celebrated as such!
Have you achieved any happy little victories this month that need celebrating?