The Secret Life of a New Years Resolution Failure.

Hello. My name is Kate and I have the will power of a gnat.

Every year I make resolutions and I fail at them. The last time I really kept to one was in 2014, whilst I was at University. It was to tell myself “I can” instead of “I can’t”. This totally worked until I was knee deep in reading and essays and suddenly realised there was no point telling myself I could without attempting to. I managed it for around 5 months before falling into a self inflicted pit of despair, anxiety, post it notes and overly expensive text books.

So this year it’s all about goals. Reachable and achievable ones.

No hefty life changes or attitude adjustments. Just simple, easy goals that follow on from 2015. As much as I am a sucker for the whole “new year, fresh start” thing (yes, I’m one of those aggravating people who use the whole book metaphor. I enjoy a good turn of phrase as much as the next person) I realise you have to set yourself something to put in motion rather than something random. It needs to be workable.

So here we are, 3 weeks in to 2016 and well, here’s a progress report on a few of the goals on my list. Hopefully this will inspire or make you feel better about yourself.

FITNESS. I mean, I started eating grains for goodness sake. I even bought damn dumbbells. DUMBBELLS. I cut the crap and bought weights. At least they make me look like I’m trying. In actual fact I am trying. I’ve told myself to just shut up and do it. If I’m going to love myself, I have to love my waste of money gym equipment too.  So far, all I can say is a) I hurt and b) I’m as fit as a dribbly ice lolly.

WATER. Just drink it. Stop being a carbonated nincompoop and get some H2O in your life sista! So far my little water bottle investment is proving a success.

ME TIME.  I am stopping feel guilty for saying “no” or, really, stopping being a pushover. Sometimes I just want to sleep. Sometimes I don’t want to go out. Sometimes I really can’t put off the cleaning any more. Sometimes I really can put off the cleaning some more.

Either way, I am taking more control over my own time and not letting other people decide my schedule. Regardless of social politics. My personal life doesn’t need governing by anyone else but myself. This is a difficult one, but so far I am enjoying my time. It still needs work, but at 3 weeks, what can you expect?

POSITIVE REINFORCEMNET. If I’m doing well, I tell myself I am. From time to time I still refer to myself as stupid, often to try and beat someone else to it or to make them feel more comfortable… but the fact that I know what they’re thinking proves I’m not stupid at all! Slowly, I am determined to stop completely.

I have noticed, since I have stopped telling myself I can’t do things or that I am too stupid, I feel, dare I say it, more confident myself and abilities. It may not be a confidence that is radiating from me, but it is there somewhere. I also have found that I have stopped dumbing myself down. I have started using my vocabulary much more, expressing myself the way I want to, rather than worrying I won’t be understood.

It’s all baby steps, but each and every one is a goal I am working towards. So far, I am finally sticking to things. It seems 2016 is the year of change, hopefully for the better.

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