I say weird like it is a bad thing.
I feel, and you all may think I am wrong, that being weird means stepping beyond what the majority of society thinks is normal. I once walked around the town centre with three of my friends singing to a ukelele at the top of my voice for a hour, just because we were all so happy that day. I know what a weirdo right? But I enjoyed myself and made fabulous memories. Sure, you do not have to be full of decorum and grace on a daily basis to be normal, but I do a tonne of things that everyone does but that most people would not admit to doing. So I am going to admit them for you and hopefully we can all feel a little less weird and little more normal now these thing are out in the open!
1. As a make up wearer, I do not really know how to do or care that much about make up. Yes I wear it, yes I like to play around with it and sometimes, when I am bored, I put on all that it-was-a-good-idea-at-the-time make up and see how ugly I can look. I also attempt to do ‘nice’ or ‘special’ make up for when the occasion arrives but trust me when I say I need to practice, I think we all probably do. Lets face it, everyone who owns an abundance of make up (or knows someone who does) has done it.
2. I sing really loudly and really out of tune and dance about the place whenever I get the urge to pretend I am a rockstar. We all do it and we have all been caught doing it.
3. I laugh at myself. All the time. I laugh at my own jokes too, even if no one else finds anything I say or do remotely or vaguely funny. I find some situations so bizarre and some of the things that come out of myself so random that I can not help but laugh. Other times I just think I am damn funny. We all think our comebacks are funny, otherwise we would not say them. A-duh.
4. I swear out loud at my own acts of incompetence and tell off whatever else is included in said acts of incompetence. For example, if I drop something I will swear at myself (or the world, depending on how I am feeling that day). If I then drop it again it becomes the objects fault. Shame on you object.
5. When I cook I become Jamie Oliver. Shimmying round the kitchen and saying things like “BAM” every time I add a new ingredient to the pan with flare. (You definitely do this one, admit it.)
6. I talk to the characters on the television like they can hear me. Sometimes we all just get too involved in the story and get angry with them for not figuring it out when it is RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE.
7. Talk to inanimate objects as if they have feelings or get in the way on purpose. Maybe I keep adding these ones because I am a clumsy one who just keeps dropping and walking into things. I don’t know eyy.
8. Pretending to remember something, see someone or get a call/text from someone when you forget to turn your internal sat-nav on and not want to turn around in public and just walk the other way all of a sudden. I do this all the time. Geography was never my strong point.
9. Waving at a stranger you thought you knew and pretending to fix your hair or adjust your glasses when they look. Tightening the pony tail as we speak.
10. I always put my headphones on when I am walking and then pretend the song playing is the soundtrack to a film of my life. Sometimes I end up strutting a little too much, but hey, this is my imaginary life movie so back off hatters sitting in Costa.
11. I plan to do something crazy fabulous with my hair, or pick out a nice outfit that all matches and might be half fashionable, then end up having a meltdown and deciding I do not like anything I own and my hair has a vendetta against me. I then walk out the door in the same kind of basic outfit I always wear or, after hours of throwing a personal hissy of hatred, then decide to wear the first outfit. My hair goes in a punishment pony tail and stays there.
12. Being so prepared at the till with your money but then waiting awkwardly until the cashier tells you how much it is and then counting your correct change again before waiting to see if there is any change.
13. Every time I see someone I want to impress I open my mouth and it becomes the driest cavern on the planet. Then word vomit. Weird, embarrassing word vomit. Or if that does not happen, the creepy face comes out for no reason.
14. Sometimes I watch rubbish kids films from my childhood and I do not even feel guilty. Even if I can still talk along with them.
15. I do not find any of the above things weird in the absolute slightest. I also do not find it weird that everyone does it. I do find it weird that, no matter how many people do it, no ones admits it in case some one finds it weird.