Long time, no blog. Life has been mad! If I’m honest I haven’t had the time nor the motivation to cultivate new posts to the standard I would like for this site.
I hope everyone is feeling inspired and invigorated by the new decade? We are the new roaring twenties after all… except we’re not that roaring just yet, but hey we’re only a couple of weeks in, let’s give it a chance!
Anyone making resolutions this year? Or are people giving up on those now? I, for one, have given up on the “new year, new me” thing. I’m not feeling that vibe. That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself and the year ahead. No, this year I have dropped the unreachable resolutions and instead given myself two goals to work towards:
- Take more opportunities when they present themselves. This is something I really struggled with last year as my mind was ruled by a fierce bout of GAD. I was so scared of everything that I often found copious reasons not to take new opportunities. Well, this year I’m hoping to change that and battle through the anxiety.
- Don’t get upset or angry over things which you cannot control. This is something my therapist taught me. They helped me to understand the difference between situations I can and cannot exercise any control over and, albeit slowly, I am learning to accept the unknown and control my emotional reaction to it. This goal has also branched off into goal 2a: If you have no control over a situation, don’t allow yourself to become an emotional cushion for those who do have control. Don’t let yourself feel bad for things, so they don’t. EG. If someone ends up bailing on plans due to their own lack of organisation, don’t pretend you’re not hurt or upset by it to help them save face. Instead of letting negative feelings just bubble up inside, shouldering the emotional anguish on someone else’s behalf, be honest. Stop letting people get away with upsetting you and not understanding the impact of their actions. There is no point protecting others and letting yourself feel awful, when you don’t have the power to rectify the situation. Feel bad for your own mistakes, not for those of others.
I get it, it makes me sound awful. The thing is, half of my previous problem was taking on others emotional baggage and, because there was nothing I could do about it, I would just sit with all this negativity. Then, people would do it again and again, because they assumed I wasn’t upset, so I got more and more hurt. This ended up manifesting itself into a big ball of bad that I took out on myself. Whenever someone bailed or used me I assumed it was my fault. It was because I was a bad person, because no-one cared, because I was good for nothing, disposable and not worth other people’s time. I stopped wanting to make plans or go out. I didn’t want to impose, I didn’t want people to have to be around me because I convinced myself they were better off without me, that I was a burden and would bring them down. None of this is true. I see this now, however when you’re in a bad place, your brain starts to function differently and that is genuinely the sorry truth I was existing in. I believed every word, but not any more.
I am definitely going into 2020 a much stronger person and hopefully looking to live by these goals will give me an even stronger start to the new decade.
Is anyone else heading into the new year with a clear head and a fresher outlook? or with any goals or resolutions? I’d love to know what everyone else is doing this year!